Do you know the secret to healthy relationship – personally, socially, and professionally?
It’s the relationship you have with yourself.
The average person on this planet knows very little about themselves. They keep putting on other people’s images and live other people’s expectations. They allow society to create them. So, instead of having a self-concept they have an other-concept. They live by someone else’s picture of them.
The most important person for you to love is not someone else. It’s you.
Say it, “the most important person for me to love, is myself”.
The primary cause of stress in our life is the fact that we don’t really know or love ourself.
Many of us focus more on loving others than we do on loving ourselves and we think this is the way it’s supposed to be.
Did you know that the capacity you love yourself determines your capacity to love others? It’s true. You cannot love someone beyond your ability to love yourself. Is it true, then, that it’s selfish to cultivate self-love even before you cultivate love for another?
To love others before we love ourself causes hurt and disappointment. It places too much of our self-appraisal and self-value in the opinions and valuations of others. When we go into a relationship looking for love, we relinquish total control over to the other person. We make them the source of the love we feel so if they withhold or withdraw their love, we’re left destitute and heartbroken. No one should have that much power over our life and wellbeing.
We need to come to a place where we can honestly proclaim, “If you don’t love me, I still love me. I am loved.”
Fall in love with yourself first and the measure you love others will increase.
The same is true for everyone. So, if someone tells you, “I love you,” consider responding with, “but do you love yourself?” That’ll reveal more about their love for you than their proclamation. If they don’t love themselves, they can’t love you.
So what is it to love yourself? What is self-love?
First, and foremost, self-love is the result of self-discovery. Discover yourself and you’ll never lack love for yourself.
Self-love is a result of self-source. Discover where your self was sourced. Source determines value. Allow me to elaborate…If I take a diamond and cut it in half, what am I left with? That’s right, two diamonds. Now, if I cut each of those diamonds in half, what am I left with? Yes, four diamonds. Even though I’ve cut the diamond, I’ve maintained the inherent integrity of the source. The original source of those smaller diamonds dictates their inherent value. They will always remain costly treasures because their original source was that of a costly treasure.
Self-love is the result of self-worth. You can never give yourself worth if you don’t know where you came from and you can’t know where you came from if you don’t discover yourself and discover your source. Like the diamonds, when you know where you came from, you understand your inherent, unalterable worth.
Self-love is the result of self-esteem. Esteem means, how much we estimate our worth? For some people it is so low that they’ll just give themselves away at a subpar job or in a loveless relationship. When you realize how much you are worth, you fall in love with yourself. For example, if I gave you my son’s hand-me-down, pink, Barbie, battery-operated Jeep and then gave you a brand new BMW X5 which one would you love the more? Which one would you keep in the garage? Which one would you care for? Self-estimation makes you treat yourself with garage-type care. You value yourself so you set standards that honor and respect your value and self-appraisal, your self-esteem.
Self-love is the result of self-concept. How you picture yourself determines how you treat yourself. And that picture comes from your discovery of where you came from. A diamond is a diamond is a diamond is a diamond. In other words, once a diamond always a diamond. So, your picture of yourself shouldn’t come from other people. Even if no one tells you that you look good, you should know that you look good.
When you have a sense of self-concept, other people’s opinions won’t touch you.
Self-love is the result of self-identity. Once you know who you are you fall in love with yourself.
Self-love is the result of self-value. How much do you value yourself? Your value for yourself gives you your love for yourself. If you believe that you are valuable you fall in love with yourself. Just like that Barbie Jeep and BMW X5. You perceive the BMW as more valuable than the plastic Jeep so, if given both, you would love the BMW more highly than the Jeep. Discovery of your identity determines your attitude towards yourself and that determines your measure of love for yourself and that determines how much you can love someone else.
Are you totally in love with yourself? If no-one ever loved you, are you still loved? Loving yourself means that you are your best friend.
What will you do today to cultivate this most important relationship in your life?